Ah, lingerie. Lingerie is definitely one of those topics of discussion that seems to be rather polarizing. You either love lingerie, or don't get its point at all. I happen to be one of those people who fell into the former camp a couple of years ago after living for so long in the latter. It seemed pointless, expensive, an unnecessary indulgence (and I certainly didn't magically transform into a Photoshopped model the moment I put it on). Why wear something that was itchy, gave you uncomfortable wedgies, and was way too expensive in the first place, when it was only going to be on the floor in 30 seconds (at least you might hope)?
It wasn't until I started selling lingerie at my parties that I decided to investigate just what the big deal was, and boy, did I learn some important things and clear up a few myths for myself.
The more I realized how lingerie is just another fun toy you get to play with (alone or with a partner/several partners), the more I realized I loved lingerie. And I personally feel that if you aren't giving lingerie a chance (at least a consideration, because of course not all toys will please all people), you're selling yourself short.
"Alright," you might be saying, "I'll give it a small consideration. Now what? How do I go from feeling tired, frumpy, and self-conscious to feeling sexy?"
The first thing I want you to do is get rid of every notion of sexiness you've been taught. Throw it all out the door, every message that tells you that sexiness is a particular size, particular ability, particular set of bodily assets and features, particular set of skills. From here on out, sexiness is whatever sparks the erotic in you. And that's going to vary from person to person.
The second thing I want you to do is get rid of the idea that lingerie has to look or be a certain way. Lingerie can be as simple or as extravagant as you want it to be. It can be the laciest, frilliest, strappiest garment ever worn by a human being, or it can be as simple as a bedazzled chain hanging delicately around your throat. It can be as exposing as a see-through pleather bikini, or as covered up as a full body latex gimp suit. It's whatever feels good to you and sparks that sense of eroticism.
Now, I will admit, even with these two principles in mind, it can be a bit daunting to select a piece you'll enjoy, because there are so many options and styles and colors, and especially if you're still learning to connect with what sparks feelings of eroticism within you, it can be difficult to know if a teddy style piece will feel as sexy to you as a two piece camisole and boyshort set. And if you're trying to select something that your partner(s) will also enjoy, it can add a whole new layer of confusion.
My advice here is to think sexy thoughts and bring it back to you and your desires and needs and what you're hoping to get out of wearing the lingerie (because honestly, your partner(s) could see you in a burlap sack and find you sexy, and if they don't, then that might be a blog post for another day). If you enjoy reading or writing erotic fiction, or enjoy watching pornography, or even enjoy getting lost in your own sexual fantasies, I want you to take a few moments to think about your favorite scenes. Who is doing what to whom, and to what body parts? Think about your own body and what parts you enjoy having stimulated the most. What parts of your body do you feel the most confident in (and I mean literally any part, even if it's the backs of your knees). When you think of when you plan to wear your new lingerie, what parts of your body are you hoping your partner will give the most attention to and enjoy the most (if you plan to wear lingerie with a partner), or what parts of your body are you wanting to enjoy and admire yourself (with or without a partner)? Once you're able to break down these questions, this will help you narrow down the styles you'll want to look at.
For example, if you feel like a sexpot because you've got the best ankles the Universe ever blessed anyone with, choose something that accentuates your ankles -- stockings, cuffs, or strappy heels are a good option.
If you love it when your lover places sensual kisses all down your tummy, perhaps something flowy that gives them easy access, but also teases them a little is a good option. Alternatively, something that leaves your tummy bare and exposed could be just as fun and sexy.
Or maybe you want to enjoy the sensation of material sliding across your skin. In that case, something made of silk or satin that touches and covers your arms and legs and moves across the skin when you walk or shift could be delightfully tantalizing.
As another example, maybe sexy to you feels comfortable, effortless. Something cotton, soft, non restricting, simple, without too many bells and whistles (or straps, and clasps, and ties). Something like a bra and panty set, or even just a pair of brief underwear.
Do you see the pattern here? When you feel good, you feel sexy, and when you feel sexy, you are sexy.
You don't have to select pieces that are "traditional" pieces simply because that's what you've always seen. Select pieces that allow you to connect with those parts of your body that feel sexiest to you, that you enjoy the most, that your partner(s) enjoy the most. Select pieces that will feel good, physically, on your body, and that will affirm your body and your sexuality (which is very important if you happen to be in a body with limited abilities, or you happen to be averse to specific textures or sensations on your body). And don't feel the need to shy away from lingerie if you happen to be a gender that isn't necessarily marketed to in terms of lingerie (ie if you aren't a ciswoman) -- all genders and all bodies can rock the hell out of lingerie (check out the links below for some great companies that are making body and gender diverse pieces). In this way, lingerie becomes something fun rather than a hassle, rather than something unnecessary and superfluous. It becomes another way to express your erotic self.
It may take some trial and error to find your favorite piece or pieces. You may try something on that you thought would bring out your inner sex kitten only to find out that the lace makes you break out in hives, or that the straps don't adjust to your body. That's okay -- that doesn't mean that lingerie is a failed experiment for you, it just means that that particular piece is not your piece. Keep trying, keep looking. And check out the links below -- I guarantee you'll find something that speaks to you.
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Rebirth Garments creates custom pieces for all bodies, all genders, and all abilities. You can shop pre made pieces directly from their site, or request something specific -- they even do video consultations!
RodeoH has a variety of panties, boxers, and briefs with and without built in o-rings/harnesses for packers and dildos, and even has a selection of body safe lubricants and packers and dildos that are compatible with their harnesses and underwear.
JUST BABES CLUB is size and gender inclusive, has a wide variety of styles, and even offers payment plans!
Tomboy X offers super comfortable apparel, including underwear in a variety of styles and cuts, bras/bralettes, swimwear, and sleepwear/loungewear. Their super fun patterns make their pieces anything but boring, and they're size and gender inclusive!
cantiqLA offers more "traditional" style lingerie (think lace and see through) in a variety of styles and sizes, and even has a genderfluid line that's pretty sexy.
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