So a long time ago (okay, maybe not a "long" time ago, but at least a year ago), I heard about this book on one of my favorite podcasts (Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra, which you should absolutely check out and tune in to) and just had to check it out! I can't remember the exact context in which the book was mentioned, but I do remember they were discussing kink and learning about kink, which, a year ago, was where I was at (technically, still am -- there's always so much to learn!).
I purchased my copy from Amazon (and you can too, here, if you like, or request it at your local library), and I think it sat on my shelf only briefly since I was in the middle of reading something else when it arrived. But once I cracked it open, I tell ya, I couldn't put it down.
The subtitle at the top of the cover touts the book as "Your field guide to discovering, exploring, and navigating the kink, leather, and BDSM communities" and it really and truly is just that. The book introduces the reader to what kink is and what it is not, discusses consent and power dynamics, introduces the reader to tips, tools, and rules for moving within the community, and even covers over how literally anyone can participate and be a member of the kink community -- from your most expected leather clad, collar wearing, dark makeup wearing "Domme type" to your church's pastor or your kids' preschool teacher. The book discusses the importance of communication and even provides tips on how to communicate safely before, during, and after a scene.
One of my favorite things about this book, however, was all of the places it discussed wherein a person could find and cultivate community with other kinky folks. I went into reading the book with some knowledge of kink -- I even have a FetLife account (that I literally never use because every time I update my username I get distracted by ooh shiny) -- but I literally had no idea there were so many different types of events that one could attend and participate in to grow in their kink identity, or even just learn more about kink in general. Everything from play parties to huge kink conferences to private cruises (cruises, ya'll. Like, with sunshine and delicious drinks and Caribbean islands). What reading about these types of events did for me was make me realize 1: how much I still have to learn and 2: how freakin' much I really just want to attend more events and get to know more people in the kink community, and maybe even try out some stuff too. What's great is that if the book inspires the same desires in you as well, the authors have included very helpful guides on how and where to find such events, and the etiquette and tips for attending.
Another great trait of this book are the personal anecdotes of the authors. Both of them are very active participants in the kink community, and just like any normal human being acclimating to a new culture, they experienced foibles and faux pas' and awkward moments, and have been kind enough to share those experiences with the readers so that we may learn from them in a more personal way. It really made the information in the book relatable and not just this fantasy "what if" hypothetical.
More to that point, the book does a great job of normalizing all aspects of kink and managing the reader's expectations about what they'll find upon dipping a toe into the community, and then sends the reader off with an entire list of resources and tools to begin their own adventures -- resources that include negotiation tips, glossaries of terminology and symbols one may encounter, and even more books to read if you want even more information. You can feel confident that by the time you finish reading this book and decide to go wherever it is you decide to venture into the world of kink (if you choose to at all), you will not go into it empty handed. I honestly feel like this book should be required reading for anyone who decides to participate in the kink world -- that is literally how much I love this book and all of its information.
So, all this to say: I highly recommend this book. I recommend it for kink beginners and kink veterans alike, because there is always something new to learn and discover. Happy reading!
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
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