In today's new agey, #selfcompassion, social media perfection, culturally appropriate all the spiritual practices day and age, the term "self care" gets thrown around quite a bit, and often it's accompanied by an image of a bubble bath or some wine, and candles, definitely candles. "Self care" as a concept has become this notion of rest and relaxation in the midst of our hectic and busy lives without any regard for the reality of our actual hectic and busy lives, or the complexity and involvement of bubble baths (I don't know about you, but my tub literally takes an hour to fill up).
The thing about self care, however, is that it's more than Boomerang Instagram posts of dropping a bath bomb into a tub full of water, or tipping back a champagne flute of some bubbly.
Self care certainly can and should, where appropriate, include those things, but it goes beyond that. Self care should be ongoing and take place in every arena of our lives, from our professional lives to our academic lives to our personal lives.
I'm blessed enough to work for an agency that understands that when its workers get burned out, care for the people we serve suffers. I've experienced it firsthand and I've witnessed it in other agencies that we work closely with. During my first employee evaluation with the domestic violence/sexual assault program where I currently work, my supervisor asked me how I was doing on self care and if there was anything that they could do to help facilitate and ensure that I felt supported enough to do my job effectively. I was so blown away and so impacted by this simple question that I make sure to tell everyone I discuss work with. Every week, the topic of self care comes up several times -- who's doing what, who needs help with it, and who needs to be encouraged to indulge in it. Our program is vocal about taking mental health days, and our supervisors will not hesitate to encourage us to take them if they sense we are getting burned out. When you're working daily with people who are in crisis and whose lives are in danger, it's sort of important that you have staff that are clear headed, well rested, and able to serve.
This is why our supervisors don't breathe over our necks to ensure no one's on social media or checking text messages or making personal calls throughout the day, or even just sitting in their office meditating or stretching or doing yoga. This is why it's perfectly acceptable and common for us all to be sitting in our reception area or kitchen, having a 70 minute bitch fest about the complete and utter uselessness of our so-called justice system when one or all of us are having a hard day.
It allows us to decompress, to de-stress, to clear our heads, and ultimately be ready for the next crisis that comes through our door or calls our hotline.
And that is what self care is all about, for each person, regardless of your employment status or job, your hobbies, your living situation, your relationships. Taking self care is the daily, moment to moment care of self through activities that help to decompress you, de-stress you, clear your head, and make you ready and able to handle life and all its requisite stressors and drama. Self care is preventative maintenance and after the fact reaction. Ultimately, it is personalized and will probably look different to everyone. It will be different not only in technique, but frequency, depending on the surrounding factors. No one way is right or wrong.
For anyone who may be struggling to come up with some ideas for self care, I've compiled a list of some, and even organized them by suggested frequency (based loosely on Mary Ellen Copeland's Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP)). Feel free to use, tweak, and share any that speak to you based on your lifestyle, schedule, and needs.
Several times a day
Deep breathing
Stretching
Daydreaming
Having an uplifting and supportive conversation with a loved one via text message or social media, or even in person if you can swing it
Drinking water
Enjoying a warm beverage such as tea or coffee
Meditating
Visualizing
Taking note of positive things in your day (mentally or by writing them down)
Visiting a favorite positive and uplifting website or app
Listening to music or a podcast
Associating only with people who make you feel good
Eating when you're hungry or have a craving, specifically food that makes you feel good and that you enjoy, not necessarily just so-called "healthy foods."
Repeating positive mantras to yourself
Accepting compliments
Complimenting yourself when you've done a good job at something, or when you catch your reflection in a mirror or window
Muscle relaxation
Fresh air breaks
Praying
Giving and receiving positive and supportive touch
Vocalizing frustrations and needs for support (and subsequently accepting support)
Saying "no" to things that don't align with your needs, values, and goals
At least once a day
Many, if not all, from the above list could be on this list also -- tweak and modify as necessary.
Eating, preferably food you enjoy and that makes you feel good
Taking necessary prescribed medications that help improve mood, mental health, and physical health
Reading a book Writing in a journal or blog Taking a nap or resting with your eyes closed
Watching TV Decluttering or organizing your space Taking a bath or shower Moving your body in a way that feels good to you
Telling yourself something nice
Getting dressed
Having a positive and uplifting conversation with another person, either virtually or face to face
Accepting love and support from others when it feels good to you
Receiving orgasms (from yourself or a partner)
Completing hygiene tasks such as teeth brushing or changing your clothes
Enjoying the outdoors, whether through an open curtain or window, or stepping outside of your house
Coloring or creating art
Allowing yourself to experience and acknowledge your emotions for what they are, no matter how uncomfortable or "socially unacceptable"
Indulging in activities that stimulate your mind and intellect
Participating in a craft or hobby
At least once a week
Many, if not all, from the above lists could be on this list also -- tweak and modify as necessary. Washing/cleaning your whole body
Cleaning untidy or disorganized spaces
Doing laundry
Enjoying company with people who make you feel good
Spending an entire day doing nothing but lazing around
Reflecting on positive things that have happened recently
Assessing goals
Eating at your favorite restaurant or delivery place
Spending time in spiritual practice
Getting up early or letting yourself sleep in (whichever one is different from your norm)
Stepping back from things you don't have energy, passion, or time for, or that are causing you added stress
Moving your body in ways that feel good and empowering to you -- through gentle or vigorous exercise, yoga, walking, dancing, sex, modeling, etc.
At least once a month
Many, if not all, from the above lists could be on this list also -- tweak and modify as necessary.
Checking in with your budget
Assessing goals
Watching a movie
Spending the day in bed (with or without a partner)
Treating yourself to your favorite meal (home cooked or restaurant bought)
Talking with people you care about that you haven't spoken to in a while
Taking a day trip to somewhere fun, with or without people who make you feel good
Refilling prescriptions for necessary medications
Speaking with a therapist, coach, or other professional support person
At least once a year
Many, if not all, from the above lists could be on this list also -- tweak and modify as necessary.
Assessing and setting goals
Celebrating a birthday (yours or someone else's -- birthdays can be fun) Getting a physical and/or mental health checkup
Adjusting regularly taken medications as necessary
Considering/making a career change
Assessing the health of your relationships
Taking a vacation, staycation, or daycation
Reading a book
Celebrating a holiday (nationally recognized or personally recognized)
Treating yourself to something new (to you) -- clothing, accessories, entertainment, household necessities, etc.
Getting rid of items, practices, and people that no longer serve you or align with your values
These lists are by no means comprehensive, and what you're able to do in terms of self care will depend on your specific needs, lifestyle, and resources. But I hope that some of these ideas will help spark some inspiration for you in the self care department, and that you'll feel motivated to make self care a daily, moment by moment priority, rather than a once a week, once a month, or once a year event. By taking time for self care, you strengthen your sense of self, you empower yourself, and you ensure that you are resourced mentally and emotionally enough for life's daily stressors.
So get out there and take care of YOU.
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